He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
