yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
