Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
