she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
