i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize