So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
