I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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