Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
