Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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