So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
