He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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