She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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