Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
