hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
