Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Is it penis luge time yet?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
