i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Send help, water and tortillas.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
