he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
