I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize