I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
