Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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