I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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