It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
