so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
