i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I love having hate sex.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
