There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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