I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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