u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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