wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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