Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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