Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
