I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
