When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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