she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
