where does the pee come out of this thing
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
