remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
