Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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