it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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