I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
