You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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