we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
