I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
