Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
