you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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