Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just threw up on my dentist
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
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