mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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