I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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