I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
