Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize