hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
