Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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