Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
