Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
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