Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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