Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
