hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
