I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
