Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
