so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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