i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Randomize
