sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
