he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
