He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
