we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
