Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
