I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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