just come out here and I will go home with you...
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I supernannyed him into submission
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
