I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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