there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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