im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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