im about as happy as oj after his trial
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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